growth

from pinterest

 Sometimes, I just really want recognition. 

I want praise. I want affirmation, and acknowledgement that what I did was really hard, but that I did it, and it all worked out, and maybe even improved. I want someone to watch me learn and grow and fail, so that when I do hit a big milestone, it is seen by more than just me. Someone can tell me that no, you don't have to doubt that you've gotten better, because you have gotten better. I want someone to track my progress, and be proud of me. 

I think this tracks to my work with horses. I've been riding since I was twelve years old, and regularly volunteering since I was seventeen. Through some wonderful mentors, emotional breakthroughs, and consistent dedication, I'm now an instructor and trainer as well as a ministry volunteer. And it's been awesome. It really, really has. I love my job. I love my boss and friends and clients, and I love the horses. The horses are my favorite. 

I've come a long, long way since I was twelve years old. I really think that the horses have had a big part in my life, not only by making my living and a hobby, but by developing me as a person. I know how to work hard, how to face fear and conquer it, and how to be patient. I've flown on the wings of the wind and felt more alive than I could ever imagine. I've experienced a bond with an animal that I could never describe. 

But I wish that people could see the progress. I wish people realized and saw the difference that there is in that scared young girl who became confident and capable. It's hard to do that when your "thing" is horses. With music, people can hear how you become better. With sports, people can see how you become better. With horses, it feels like to the non-equestrian eye, everything looks normal. 

"Yeah, she went kinda fast and the horse did a figure eight. Nice." But do you understand how long it's taken me to learn how to cue my horse into picking up the canter seamlessly from a trot, sit like my seat is glued to the saddle, and have my horse do a flying lead change when I change direction? Cause it's been years. 

from Pinterest

"Yeah, the horse went around her in a circle, and then turned toward her." But do you see how he lowers his head, asking me if he can come in, before I just barely look at his hindquarters and answer yes? Do you see how he doesn't lean or turn his head to the outside? Do you see how his eyes soften, how he licks and chews when I let him stand beside me? Cause we've done this for months, with hours and hours of lunging, before we got to this point. 

The horse is a living, breathing, creation of God that has a mind of its own. They are brave and fearful, strong and sick, wise and silly, all at once. They can sense our emotions, and they know when someone is trustworthy. You must earn their trust and respect, and speak their language to truly have a relationship with them. 

I wish people got to see that. I wish they could appreciate the horse, and see what I see. They could see how difficult it is, and how rewarding, and how hard I've worked to get to this point. 

So I teach them; l share my love for the horses and try my best to show them how special and awesome is this opportunity to work with them. Sometimes they get it, and sometimes it's just a hobby. But always, it's a gift to do this. 

So I wish for recognition, so someone can track my progress and help me realize my own growth. But in the end, it's not what matters most, and though I still wish for it, I don't need it.  

God gave me the skills and the opportunity to work with horses, and that's really enough.

I'll be content.

-tessa