Cold Lies

So I'm kinda sorta A Songwriter now. I've been dabbling with songwriting since I bought my uke, but I started more seriously over vacation a few weeks ago. For future reference, they include Crowd Favorite, Uke Town, Ten o'clock Tuesday, The Chick-Fil-A Song, and Cold Lies.
Cold Lies is the song that I wrote today. I wrote it in roughly an hour, so I'm sure there's lots of room for improvement. But it was a burst of inspiration, and I love it.
Let me tell you about this song. The background is this:
For most of my life, I believed a lie about myself. My entire life, I really thought that if I wasn't around, no one remembered me. I really believed that people did not think about me if I wasn't there. They wouldn't remember my name, they wouldn't remember things about me, they just did not THINK about me. I literally believed that. I cannot think of a time that I didn't.
Of course, my family did, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles. But outside of that...no. I honestly believed that no one remembered me. It was a given fact in my head. Sometimes I got letters and even gifts from friends.(looking at you, Amaris.) But knowing that they thought about me never lasted.
Until two years ago.
There is a program at STR called SPURS. SPURS stands for Servants Prepared to Unashamedly Reveal the Savior. This is a program for hard-working teen girls who have a heart for the ministry. Unlike the other programs, though, you must be invited to join the group.
I never thought in a million years that I would be one of the chosen few. After all, people didn't think about me, remember? But I was. I received the cherished envelope, I joined SPURS, and that lie in my head was dealt its first blow.
Somebody thought about me. It was a huge growth in my mental understanding.
One of the next blows to the lie came the following year. I had graduated out of SPURS, and was wondering what the heck was next. Then one of the leading ladies came to me and said, "So, Lori and I were talking, and we thought that you would be the perfect person to start leading trail rides on Saturdays."
Oh my gosh! Am I not invisible if I'm not around??
And so the lie was dealt another harsh blow.
It continued. Again and again, the lie was pounded further into the ground.
This past week at camp, the lie got dealt two more blows. BAM! and BAM!
Coach Ed, our spiritual coach and Marshal at camp, drove by one morning while I was walking to the hay barn to get the tractor. "Hi Tessa!" He called out of his window. Oh my gosh! Coach Ed remembered my name!
Then Ms. Kathy, one of the sweetest, nicest people you will ever meet, followed up with prompting from the Holy Spirit. Another nail pounding in the lid of the coffin.
It was incredible.
This whole week at camp was unintentionally about fear. (It was so awesome, you guys. I wish you all had been there. I'll tell more about it later but man.) And this morning, when I was thinking about that lie in my head, I thought, why not write a song about it? And of course, since we've been talking about fear, that naturally tied in.
One of my fears is that I'm alone. I'm afraid that no one ever thinks about me. That I don't have any real friends.
I am NOT alone. People DO think about me. I have some of the best friends in the world. (you know who you are) 
And so I wrote a song about it. It's called Cold Lies. It talks about how I feel when I think I'm forgotten. In my darkest days...this is what I feel like. It's cold.


cold soul, cold eyes
burning cold when you face all the lies
cold soul, cold eyes
no feelings left when you break down and realize

I'm all alone, and nobody, nobody hears
me gasping when I try to face my fears
help me, I'm pleading
but winter's driving in hard
cold heart, cold lies

cold soul, cold eyes,
cold floor cause I don't want to try
cold soul, cold eyes
cold body trying to survive

in a world where nobody, nobody hears
me screaming while I try to kill my fears
help me, I'm pleading
but winter's coming in hard
cold heart, cold lies

human life cannot exist alone. it is psychologically impossible. the mind will go insane and lose all reason, if left alone too long.
human life cannot exist alone. the body is afraid of loneliness because the mind knows that being alone will kill it. it is afraid. human life cannot exist alone.
Satan knows this because he knows the world. he watches our actions, he sees our transactions, and Satan hates the world.
it's a right to exist and a fight to resist, but a lie is what brings us all down. our fear of our loneliness stand between holiness and us...so we all go down.
There is Someone who knows what it feels like to be completely alone. He felt like God Himself had left him, He felt completely forgotten by love. there is a Light who understands what it is like, and there is a Light who submitted to darkness so that no one must ever be left alone again.
don't you forget that and don't you relent that, cause there is a Light that shines
it pierces the darkness, it changes the heartless, this Light  that the world hasn't known. this Light is a fire that ever grows higher, a warmth that won't leave you alone.

Warm soul, warm eyes
strong voice when you face down the lies
warm soul, warm eyes,
in my new heart, there is now warm life


you are not alone.

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man. God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." - 1 Corinthians 10:13

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10